I just want to be ok again. 2 summers ago I was so full of anxiety and stress I could not stop worrying. Then the next summer my grandma passed away after a long struggle with cancer, then last winter my cousin died in a ATV accident and now it's spring and my grandpa is dying because his lungs are giving out and his kidney is failing him and I feel like it's so unfair how this world has put me through so much in less than 365 days. Why me? I'm a decent person, I think and I know it's not just me it's the rest of my family who must fell exactly how I do but I feel like I can't talk to them about I don't know why I feel like it's my burden and I don't want to burden anyone else which is crazy because they've gone through everything I have. What's wrong with me?
Nobody deserves for that much to happen to them. There is nothing wrong with you, and you have to remember that none of this is your fault. It also does help to talk to people outside of the family, I've felt the same way, I always felt guilty for crying (still do) because I just wanted my family to enjoy their lives without worrying about me. If you need someone to talk to, please know I am always here for you.
Nothing is wrong with you. I promise. Some times can be really rough - some more than others. But you’ll get through it.
And I know that it doesn’t feel like it will ever get better. And, if I’m being honest, there’s a part of you that won’t. My pet fish died more than 2 years ago, and it still feels like there’s a hole in my heart. But it gets better. It’s still going to be there, but it gets better.
It’s not your burden. Your parents must be struggling with it, too. I recommend creating a safe, judgment free zone - like a blanket fort - for you to talk and work through it.
And you can always, always, always talk to us. We’re your friends. It’s our job to help lift that burden.