Water is like numbers, but less complicated. They don't lie — not unless you want them to, and even then, it's hard to lie when you know the truth. They change shape and size all the time, and can relate to all abilities across the elvin world — mostly fire, honestly, which is kind of ironic considering it can be extinguished by water.
That's what I've learned from Marella. Besides, who am I to want to put out a flame? There are so few of those around here that I don't have to start a fire, all I have to do is let them burn on. Let people realize the truth. Know that happiness and safety can only last for so long, and balance is key to making our world as best as it can be.
I manifested as a Hydrokinetic when I was... * shudders * young, even younger than Fitz and Biana. It's something I can be proud of and hate so much at the same time because I really want to tell someone, someone except Tam because I feel like he watches us too much, hiding in the shadows. He's waiting to see when my, no, our friends want to get to know me better. He's scowled and frowned more times this week than I've ever seen him do. I try not to show him my urge to flood Havenfield or whenever I'm in Sophie's presence (mostly Havenfield, because she lives there) and scream over the crashing waves, "DID YOU KNOW I MANIFESTED AT THE AGE OF 11?" for good reason. He'll think they're not giving me enough attention and I'll try to convince him to get closer with the group, and then we'll go on and on. This isn't the time for fighting with our friends and allies (or twin brother, in my case), but it's also not the time to break old habits.
Tam's been different lately, though. I'm not really sure what I expected — he's not as concerned about my safety as usual, which is kind of odd considering he let me go over to Wylie's new hideout yesterday and talk about... stuff. I keep trying to persuade Tam to come — it's a shame, really, they'd make such great friends! — but he makes up a lame excuse like how he's going to practice his Shading. I tried asking Wylie what he's up to, and he made up a funny joke about how my brother was registering for the match — and I laughed along too until something in my brain clicked and asked: "What if that's true?" He would never make big decisions like that without me, but times have changed.
I'm not telling anyone about my suspicions, though, especially not Tam. He'll just make it a huge experiment for our friends to prove they're caring of me, and I don't like that mindset. They've got all sorts of stuff going for them, anyway, and I even overheard Sophie's conversation with Keefe about resigning from the nobility as a Regent. (We weren't eavesdropping — me and Biana snuck into Fitz's room when they came over to Everglen to check on him, and Della let us provided Biana could turn us both invisible and we tell her everything that happened. She even added a wink afterward, which just made us more excited! We didn't know if it was okay to tell her about Sophie struggling to make up for all the things she has to do, but it was all they talked about and we couldn't make up another excuse, and then Della made us show ourselves to Keefe and Sophie. Keefe's squeal was like a pig-ogre thrashing in his sleep.)
I'm a way different person in my head than on the outside, and I'm the most scared when they come together. Biana asked me to do make a water statue of her and I accidentally flooded Everglen's Reception Hall, which did not make Fitz happy. Something about Winnowing Galas, I think?
That's all I have time fo— TAM, THIS ISN'T YOURS!
Tam's been teasing me mercilessly all week, so I guess there isn't much of a risk writing about this in here now anyway. I'd like to say I think that was what he wanted, for me to have a safe space to rant about what's been happening and how I feel, but there's an edge of sadness and disproval in his tone whenever he makes fun of me because... I don't know. Maybe it's because he thinks I don't find him as comforting as I used to or as trustworthy, but that's really not it. What is really it — I'm not sure. At least he won't peek in my journal anymore if he knows that I have a safe haven to be in, and he won't have to belong here to take care of me.
Straight-up confrontation has never been my forte. Everyone's been super busy this week and I haven't gotten the chance to hang out with Biana in a while, which is probably for the better because, well, I don't like makeovers. I've started observing Foxfire the way Tam observes our close-knit group of friends, and it's cooler than I thought it'd be. There's a girl in Level Four, Shayda Adel, who still loves pranking despite making the mistake of trying to trip Ro. (Ro is Keefe's ogre bodyguard.) Being the daughter of two Emissaries seems to have worn her out quite a bit that's obviously visible but not really describable. In the same way I wish all three of them could be friends (who knows what shenanigans they could cause), I wish Tam could become better friends with Wylie and Keefe. (The Flashadepaths would be my top pick for their trio name, hehe.)
Oh, and there's the girl Stina who's constantly mentioned in conversation. I have to add "the girl" before her name because I don't know her that well out of all of us in the group — Tam, too, to say the least. That's another thing about me: I don't call people by their first names unless I know them to some degree. It's always stuck with me, even though people do the exact opposite for me; everyone calls me and Tam Water Girl and Shade Boy, Floodykinetic, The Floodster, The Girl of Many Floods and, if they're feeling nice, just "Linh."
I think you can guess which one I prefer. Even though Linh's the name that my parents chose and it still feels like it belongs to someone else, I can't find any others that suit me better than Linh out of all the names I've experimented with. It's felt that way since I've been banished and hasn't changed a bit.
The Neverseen have kept a fairly low profile for the past few weeks, which honestly does nothing but spread paranoia like wildfire and stir conversation about what's going to happen next. The Council sees it as they have everything under control — at least, they try to pass it off that way so the few people who have unwavering loyalty to them and feel as if their safety has been breached can be reassured. I'm not enlisted in the effort, though, and they haven't removed any of the goblin patrols. They seem to freak everyone out at one point or another, but I'm so used to them being symbols of protection now — they're doing a great service to us and deserve more gratitude. Where would we be without them?
And the dreams. They're worse every night, and I see everyone dead in a different scenario. Tam being bitten by a possessed Silveny. Wylie being blasted with one of Umber's shadow-arrows (Biana filled me in on those). Biana choking under a gallon of sopordine. And... well, the others are more gorey. Violent.
I'm prepared in case Mr. Forkle forces the journal upon all of us.