So........................ I have another problem. So there a banquet at my school, and a guy asked me to it. We've been friends,  and he's liked me for a while. But, I don't have feelings for him. I asked my friends what I should do, and some said I should say yes, and some said no. I have a real crush on one of my friends. She is one of the people who said no. But if I say yes, I have a crush so that would be a whole new level of awkward. But, I'm not good with these types of things, so I don't know what to do. I like him as a friend, and I understand why he asked me. I just can't respond. And the thing is, you get to have the WHOLE day at the banquet. And he is also on the math bowl team with me, and isn't that even more awkward?

And that adds onto my pile of distractions from school. I have family problems, misjudgment (I'll get into that) going on, my bratty sister, my anxiety, all my issues. And the worst thing is that I see the world through WAY different eyes then everyone else. I pay attention to breaking news. Nobody knows that about me. And then with all of that happening, I always imagine the worst things happening. But the thing that calm me down is music. Like I'm listening to Taylor swift right now, and the songs keep me calm. That's why all I really want for Christmas is an iPod and some airpods. And a skateboard. Those things calm me.

So about the misjudgment, people only see the sweet nice me. Most people don't see the real me, they only see a 'mask' of myself. I have anxiety attacks almost every day now, and from what I've heard, anxiety attacks are dangerous for someone my age. So is depression. I may or may not be going through some depression right now. Only my true friends see the real me. Even my teachers think I'm a perfect angel, with the perfect life and perfect family because of my nice positive attitude. They just automatically misjudge me. And I wish they didn't do that. They make it even more frusterating. After picture day, when we got our pictures, mine was last, and my teacher had to say (not saying my real name) "And the beautiful Addison" . I hate being the center of attention, and she made it worse. I seem to be perfect on the outside. (Yes, I don't even have body judgement problems. It's like my body is every girls dream body. No offense.)

Overall, my life is awful and complicated. And that's not even all.


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