Board Thread:Short Stories and Fanfictions/@comment-44544645-20191211195811/@comment-109.161.146.67-20191229130243

^I agree completely, they did AMAZING. Why?

You adjusted the reveal scene perfectly, though because you edited it the next scene is a bit rough, but no need to change that for something so small. Tiergan is such a good candidate for her father, I can't believe I hadn't thought of that. His reaction was very similar to Oralie's, but not too much, so you nailed that in the coffin. Classic Sophie who is contradicting and conflicted like always! And Fitz is on the side doing... pretty much nothing, just as usual.

I'm really glad that you aren't making it a ship fanfic. Plenty of people like that stuff, but you're writing has been so true to the books and sometimes even better than them, so I applaud you for not centering this around ships. This fanfic reads like a real KotLC book, so don't change that please. If you did there would be a wiki war between the shippers. I also like how well balanced it is, not too short, not to long and characters each have their own time with Sophie which is smart of you.

I like the pace, and the way you write: paragraphs well-spaced, good grammar and spelling, etc. You have a decent amount of sentence variation while not feeling excessive and forced.

Humor: ✔️

Emotion: ✔️

Show don't tell: ✔️

Remember to check through your work for words you've repeated (ctrl+f to find and have a word count on how many times you've used the word, if you think you've over used it.) Whenever I write I try to mix up words as much as possible, for the most interesting outcome. Of course I'm not saying that you have many instances where this would matter, your writing is full of different words; it's just good to keep in mind. Though maybe I'm just reading too much into it, I sometimes just write a word I've used recently down and forget to look up or think of a synonym for it.

And we haven't even gotten into the plot. *inhales*

The plot is the best plot of a fanfiction I think I've read on the wiki. There are lots of amazing ones out there, don't get me wrong, but yours are fantastic. Not only are they surprising and interesting, they're believable--they make a lot of sense. When I read it, it doesn't register as a fanfic in my brain, I feel as if it's the real deal (that rhyme was unintentional). Honestly, I think a lot the story will happen in Book 9. This is random but I think Shannon's will probably be slower, and a more dramatic because that's just how she does it. Back to your writing.

Your plot ties back to a lot of legacy and flashback--you did a wonderful job on that. Your Stellarune recipe makes a lot of sense. It relates back to Legacy and the whole Prime Sources excursion where it was hinted at quite a lot. Illusionist,  why does that make so much sense? Well for me at least, in Flashback a shade and a flasher used their powers to make the illusion that there was a bridge there.

Wow that got long quickly. Sorry for this thorough analysis, I usually write without thinking too much about and I assume other writers do as well, so I apologize for you being analyzed on something that may or may not be intended. If anyone actually read this crazy long review, kudos to you! And as always can't wait for more. Keep up the good work!

-Lady Sassyfur