Thread:Z the Galaxy/@comment-35776050-20200105220038

i miss you.....

So, um, lots of things happened. I kind of just need to talk it out with someone I trust, yet doesnt know the situation so it can be looked at with fresh eyes. im not looking for advice, i just need to talk. and it's not like you'll see this anyway

there's this family. they've lived across the street from me my entire life. there's nine kids, a brother-in-law, a sister-in-law, and a nephew. and parents, ofc. i've been friends with the youngest two as long as i can remember (aged 15 and 13) but im close with the enire family. especially the youngest, the married sister, and the mom.

they... went through alot. the oldest boy left his faith... turned to drugs and alchohol... he's better now, though. still not completely back to his faith, tho. he considers himself "conservative" but in reality, he just keeps the parts he likes. he just got married to a girlfriend he's been with for the past eight years. oh, and the third to oldest is married to one of the sweetest guys i know and has the most adorable baby in the universe who i consider my own nephew even tho we're not related. he's 4 months old, the troublemaker.

the mom has helped me alot with my anxiety and school last yr. i love that woman so much. so, in the summer, she wasn't feeling well. she used to be an overweight woman, but she was getting really skinny really fast. She was also very pale and very weak. everyone kept urging her to go to the doctor. everyone. her kids, her parents, her husband, her friends, her son-in-law and soon-to-be-daughter-in-law, my mom, who was her close friend. everyone. she refused. because she was scared.

then, on a thursday night, about four months ago, a little after the baby was born, an ambulance was called and she was taken to the hospital. i found out about it the following night, when i was talking to the youngest. she was feeling really guilty about it. she thought it was her fault. i assured er it wasnt, and told her that her mom would be okay. it helped a little, but the way she was talking hurt me alot inside. i love her, and... she was only 12 at the time. she was saying things she shouldnt have... i cried when i got home that night

the next monday, my dad was driving me from school back to his work (cuz thats just how things worked those weeks...) when my mom called. we put the phone on speaker cuz my dad was driving. she was talking to my dad about my neighbor, and i think she mustve forgotten i was in the car or something, but she slipped. here's how the convo went:

Mom: (to my dad) So they haven't isolated the cancer yet--

Me: (cuts her off) Wait- Cancer?

My mom started panicing. my dad didnt know what to do. i started sobbing. she meant to tell me that night, but it slipped out, ig. Anyway, the few weeks she was in the hospital were tough. me and my mom went across the street every day to check on whoever was home. the baby helped alot tho. he provided comfort for all the kids, and me. then three weeks later, something happened.

it was right after a fast day, which was also right after a holiday. i got up early so my parents could drive me, and checked my mom's whatsapp group with the block for any updates. i nearly had a heartattack when i saw what had happened. she was gone. it's hard for me to even type this, but... anyway, i showed my dad, who showed my mom. i started crying. my mom woke up my sister and told her. and my aunt and grandma who were over. my parents didnt want me going to the funeral. i could have stayed home. but i had a test. so i went, crying most of the car ride. just three weeks after the diagnosis. her one and only grandson was barely a month old.

it didnt hit me for a while that she was actually gone until about a month ago. thats when it hit me. i became very depressed and sad and anxious. words xant descride the pain, zee. it was horrible. it took me a little bit, but im alot better now. my friends are amazing help. it was just hard tho, cuz my closest friends who would usually comfort me... i couldnt go to them with this problem. it was their mom. and one of the main people helping me with my anxiety... was dead. it was tough. but im okay now

i still have more to say on the matter. the 15 year old.... i have too much to say. im gonna get offline now and study. thanks for lisening

~Mallowmelt 