Talk:Sophie and Fitz/@comment-198.237.49.251-20190108021733/@comment-37530514-20190108151543

Nice!!!! I really like how you included Linh

Here's a tip that I think would make your dialogue seem a bit more natural (though you're doing great rn!). If you scroll through the story, you'll notice that almost every part starts with a sentence of dialogue. Like this part-

“Okay Linh work your magic!” Sophie whispered.

''“On it!” Linh whispered, she started to gather water, they were in such a damp room so she had an easy time. Soon they were all on the floor stretching their sore limbs.''

“I’m gonna unlock the door!” Sophie whispered

''“Okay” the other two whispered back. Sophie then turned her concentration on the door, it took her some time but Sophie managed to figure it out.''

That was great- but my biggest suggestion is to try mixing up the way people talk, and switch around the order. For instance-

“Okay, Linh- work your magic!” Sophie whispered.

''“On it!” Linh replied. She started to gather water, they were in such a damp room so she had an easy time. Soon, they were all on the floor stretching their sore limbs.''

'Sophie took a deep breath. “I’m going to' unlock the door!” 

''The others glanced at each other, and then hesitantly whispered, "Okay." Sophie turned her concentration on the door. It took her some time, but she managed to figure it out.''

All I did there was add a few sentences to break up the pattern. I think you should try it- maybe scan some Keeper books to see how Shannon does it!!

AMAZING job though. Seriously :)

(By the way, if you ever want feedback before you post a story, I can help edit. Just message me on my wall.)