Board Thread:Clubs/@comment-43432691-20191113223954/@comment-174.6.16.240-20191114145151

SparklyMagix wrote: I'm just going to rant about random stuff right now, and I don't plan to edit this, so if this gets dark or weird, I'm sorry.

Okay, but why exactly do I need to spend three hours doing a piece of homework my math teacher will look at for, like, three seconds?(I've counted.) I mean, it's not like it's going to affect my horrible grades anyways. Homework as a whole counts for 10% of my grade, so if I didn't do any of it, I could still get a 90% in math! And let's not even get into my history grades, I don't even know how I got a D, considering I study my butt off, I do pretty well on tests, and I always have my notes. Next up, PE. WHY DOES IT EVEN HAVE TO EXIST?? I am getting an A in English and French,(language is what I do.) and a B- in science, if I remember right.

Lucky me, failing most of my classes, incredibly weak and clumsy, ugly, apparently I'm really creepy and I talk too much. Oh yeah, and one week into the school year, I'd made my first enemy. Then let's add in a genetic predisposition for depression(first suicide attempt-age 10), being traumatized at age 7 or so, and being literally terrified of leaving my room when I'm not told to. If God exists, I think he was high when he made me,

Okay, that's probably enough. Oh, yikes! I hope that gets better. I shall now rant:

So, this thing happened a year or two ago in my life, and it may not seem big, but it super affected me and still has an impact on my life.

So, in third grade, I made friends with two girls. My best friend was really jealous and kinda hated both of them, so I never had very stable friends. I really liked hanging out with all of them, especailly one of them. She had a huge imagination, like me, and we both like playing pretend, so we got along really well. Then, in fifth grade, she moved away, leaving me with two friends who absouletly hated each other. My friend was so much happier at her new school, and I tried to be happy for her, but I really missed her, and it felt like she didn't miss me, and my best friend didn't really understand, so I hung out a bit more with my other friend, and my best friend didn't like that.

Then in sixth grade, my brother started high school. Everyone was either paing attention to him, or to my two little sisters, becase they were still young/immiture enough to need more atention. I didn't get any attention. Then at school, my other friend started saying thigs about my best friend to me and other people that weren't very nice. My best friend asked if she was saying things, and I didn't want to tell her, because  'if you don't have anything good to say, don't say it' but she would always pressure me into teling her.

Eventaully, my other friend was accused of bullying my best friend. The thing that was unfair about this was my best friend has so many friends, and she would say not nice things about my other friend to them, but apparently it was considered 'confiding in friends'. So, I got really depressed. I didn't have my family to confide in, I felt like I couldn't confid in my best friend, and I couldn't cofide in my other firind ecause my best friend would get ma at me for hanging out with her bully. And being constatly in between this giant friend tug-of-war as super stressful. I really wanted to die but I felt like I wasn't aloud to die, because I needed to be there for my friends.

Everything kinda died down at the end of gade six, and I thought the issue was gone fo good. I started grade seven super happy, but then the same old situation came back. I again, got really depressed. And it doen't stop there. I overheard my mom and dad talking, and found out my aunt had cervical cancer. I wasn't supposed to know. The next day at school, I literally broke down cryig and told my other friend at school, and I told her to please keep it a secret. To this day, she hasn't old anyone to my knowledge. Later, I told my best friend. Literally the moment I left, she told her dad. That obvouisly broke my trust in her, no matter what excuse she made.

Anyway, things got worse and I was getting headaches from stress every day. My grades were slipping, and I had experienced a few anxiety attacks, were I was literally so anxouis, I couldn't breath. My other friend understood. But my best riend started being a jerk. If I was talking to my other friend, and she stopped to take a drink from the fountain, my best friend would literally pull me away to hang out wih her. And she started being really mean to my sisters, actaully making one of them cry. Obvously, I was mad at her. She kept on saying to me "if you were being bullied, I woldn't be friends with them" I finally snapped on day, and told her that maybe that mad me a worse friend than her, but that was how it was. I'm 99% sure I made her cry and the part that weighs me down today is that I didn't feel bad for saying it.

Anyway, my other friend was going to a diffrent high school, and I miss her a lot, but I admitted to my friend that it was probably good that she was put of our lives. I've made new friends in high school, and I'm not as close with my best friend anymore, and maybe this is a terrile thing to say, but I'm kind of glad. She gossips  bunch now, and copies off my french homework even though I feel uncomfortable with it.

I kind of tried to keep this off here, but it feels nice to get it off my chest.

Wow, that was long. If you've read this far, a slice of mallowmelt to you!

-Chloe