Board Thread:Clubs/@comment-43432691-20191126194337/@comment-174.6.16.240-20200115221715

I'm just bored and overthinking things rn, so I'm going to just rant. You don't have to read this.

So, for some reason I'm really unhappy. It's terrible, because my life is great. I've got my own room, a good family life, good grades, and there is litterally NO REASON for me to be unhappy rn. It's a snow day today, for goodness sake! But right now I'm just feeling (a lot more than usaul) depressed. I don't know why. It's so stupid, because I don't even get why I'm depressed in general. I mean, last year I knew why, but this year, everything is completely and totally great. So just why am I so sad? I also feel like all my friends are going away, too. I barely talk to my best friend anymore, and my friends that I've made at the begining of the school year don't seem to to need me anymore.

I feel like maybe I'm depressed because I don't have any purpose in life. And, I mean, it's true. I'm here, I'll live, I'll die, and the world will be the same after all of it. And there is no way that it will change. And, I mean, I know, "you have a purpose" and "You can make a change", but I'm too tired of living to make a change, and if I don't make a change, then is there a point in me being here? No.

I feel like I don't deserve my life, because I'm not even grateful of it. I have all these things, and I'm thinking of is myself. There are so many people who would love my life, and be so thankful of, who deserve it more than me, and would make such a better use of it.

And I still see my friend that whent to a diffrent high school sometimes, like we'll pass each other while walking to our schools, and my other freind is super nosy about it and UUUUUUUGH. She'll try and get me to agree that my other friend is horrible, and I don't want to disagree, because then it'll turn into Drama, wich I like as a class, but not as something to deal with.

And everytime I try and talk to her about how I feel, she'll just bring up her anxiety, and her OCD, and then say it's all my other friend's fault, so I don't even have anyone my age to talk to. Counselers just aren't the same.

And I don't even know how to share the darker thoughts, online or irl. Sometimes I wonder why my luck is so insanely bad. Sometimes I'll just be so stressed I'm on the verge of tears for no reason whatsoever, and then afterwords, I'll barely be able to bring myself to speak, but I have to act like everything's fine.

Anyway, a custardburst for you because you read all that.

-Chloe