Thread:Lowkey done with life/@comment-37869175-20181224194711/@comment-37841075-20190108234503

@BlackSwanSRM

Gonna start with the study question cuz that's easier haha

Law was a hard thing to want to get into but eventually I did it. It's really stressful, not gonna lie. I have a rep for being at the top, and all-nighters are prettttyy common to score good grades on my tests. Just surviving law classes are hard. Psychology is much easier, since I've been studying it for so long, but it defintiely does help to have a grasp of psychology when going with law as well. Art is more for fun, but it's still really enjoyable to be a part of it. It's my largest outlet, and for the majority of my life has been my main venting spot. Overall, takes a very determined spirit to survive. 'v'

Also, if everything I said in my response sounded wonky... I was caffiene-jacked and rushing to cram-study for my 5 exams today. [ loud sobbing ]

As for your questions.

- The God I usually though of is one who supposedly loved me, my family, and everyone on earth. He could do anything, see anything, know everything. Remember, I wasn't really taught what Allah was like. I was really, really young when I moved her, and before I did I didn't know the slightest thing about Allah other than that he was powerful, he loved me, and he could do whatever he wanted. I grew up mostly around my Christian or Catholic friends, and since I am naturally knowledge hungry, I asked them about God, about the stories, etc.

- There's nothing after death. That's what I believe. No afterlife, no eternity, no heaven, no hell, nothing. Not even just an empty void, just nothing. My body itself will not fully disappear - I will just go back to being star dust and atoms to be recycled into something else for the universe. I'm okay with that.

- Oof. I guess maybe I didn't talk enough about myself in present day?? That whole text up there a few messages up was mainly why I fell out of faith. Today, I'm 99.9999% God doesn't exist. :/ No worries about offending me though - I honestly can't see how any of what you said could be offensive to me. You're simply seeking clarification in my thought process.

@KaleTheEmpath

I'm actually glad our discussions aren't completely shallow. I don't really like small talk without passion. It's mostly a waste of time for me, if maybe not a quick check-up.

As for the whole CSA thing... you have the right one, unfortunately. Started when I was 8, ended when I was 9, and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that should the pepretrator died, I wouldn't feel anything.

(I had to take a quick break. Sorry, I just don't like talking about it. But a nice warm mug of hot chocolate and some Belgium chocolate always makes me feel better.)

But I digress.

I'm terribly sorry to hear about your father. I know that it's truly awful. My offer still stands, though - should you need to speak to someone, I'm always here. Life is not devoid of purpose. I think it's just a matter of choosing what that purpose is to you.

The ability to prove God exists, without a shadow of a reasonable doubt, is part of it. I could not summon God to a court of law if he were to violate a law. Naturally, I'm inclined to not believe in Him - after all, babies don't pop out of the womb theistic. It's taught. And by saying God exists, you're placing the burden of proof upon yourself; you have to defend it with evidence that cannot be logically refuted. As someone who is a very earnest follower of science, proof, and fact, I need the absolute, undeniable evidence of God's existence. I'm not saying an incomplete equation can have God slipped in as the missing cause and suddenly it all makes sense - that's not how it works. Romans used to believe the god Vulcan made volcanoes erupt. Now that's obviously not true.

Just because science cannot explain something as of now, does not mean it never can.

But if free will is what God granted us, then why is rejection of faith punished? From what I heard, not believing in God lands you in hell, or at least not in Heaven. Is faith then, not just coercion?

The many injustices in the world that led to me spiralling out of faith to uncertainty, to rejection, was hearing about certain conditions that cause babies ineffable pain and death within hours. Specifically, I'll credit Harlequin Babies for convincing me. Look the images of them up, but they are... very disturbing. What did those poor newborns ever do to deserve dying blind, deaf, voiceless, paralyzed, and in pain? Their only sin was existing for a few short hours. And for those who survive into life, why are they wrapped in troubles since day one? And if they don't believe in God, they go to Hell.

What God would place the existence of such a hideous existence under His name? Innocent deaths like that?

And why does he allow millions and millions to suffer poverty, even if it's not the result of people? What about the hurricanes? People can't just stir those up. Thousands died, families were crushed, homes were destroyed, and countless were left homeless. If God is infinite and powerful, he can cook a hurricane up as easily as I splash in puddles.

Or what happens to those who are corrupted, the subhumans called murderers? Why do so many of those walk freely, or step on the lives of those who aspire to bring goodness? Maybe God can't control them, but he can at least punish them.

I came to the conclusion that there are three possibilties:

1) God doesn't exist

2) He hates us

3) He's forsaken us

I agree with you there; instantenous change would be too chaotic and unpredictable, and if we do not have a backdrop of a hell on earth we would lose appreciation for the lives we live. If I didn't have the amount of hardships I did, I'd probably be taking all the little things I appreciate now for granted.

I won't deny that, if God exists, that's a very admirable thing to do for us, especially if He was of such great and limitless power. I won't try to say that that sort of deed is in any way diminishable, because it isn't.

But, faith has been proven wrong at so many points, both in history and in my life, that it feels ignorant for me to believe that this world was made for us, or that faith is little moer than a crutch.

I'll try to watch the video, I promise. I'll finish this response, finish up studying for tomorrow's medical exam and then I'll watch it.

@BlackSwanSRM

Quite possibly, yeah, I might've been looking in the wrong places. At the time I was still praying, I was already in a bad mental spot that left me feeling like there wasn't much that was worth the effort. At the state of maturity and life I'm in right now, looking back I really didn't understand reality. I didn't understand that a few prayers couldn't save the world. But with or without a God, I can't fix homelessness and poverty completely.

In terms of how God would be to view me, I definitely believe that I'm just another grain on his beach. I've never felt special, comforted, answered, seen, or heard, at least not enough to feel like someone is watching over me.

See, part of why a religious debate is hard for me is because when God has done something definitive, it's hard for me to not refute it by saying "God doesn't exist." If God doesn't exist to me, why should I follow His rules? His boundaries? I don't see God in the equation, I don't see Him as the why to our how. Science and technology are taking me everywhere I need to go; viewing my life from the lens I have now, there's nothing that required or evidenced God. I need him to prove it to me first.

I have a problem with the fact that he plays judge, jury, and defendant (judged). I can't say for certainty, but didn't God drown a city once? Didn't he kill upwards of 2 million people? Murder is a sin, I'm pretty sure. But I lack the knowledge, so PLEASE correct me if I'm wrong or I don't know the full scope of things.

It's a noble thing to take the punishment for your child or children. Although, why should He have to hold Himself accountable? A parent does not control their child any more than God would controls us. The only case where a parent can be held to a child's actions is if the parent's actions are what directly cause the child's actions. Maybe my head is too far in the courtroom, though.

I hope none of this sounds like I'm testing your beliefs, because I'm not trying to persuade any of you to give up your faith. Just trying to explain why I have mine. If there's something I'm missing, feel free to correct me! I'm always eager to soak up some new knowledge. I'm not trying to convert either of you to atheism.

(Also, didn't know that the Big Bang Theory was created by a Catholic?? Though I uphold that it was space expanding in on itself and stretching out until it created the universe, which is, to me, the only thing that is infinite.)

Sending love and requesting the strength to not die during school. ;w;