Talk:Sophie and Fitz/@comment-37879183-20190511014504

I was just reading a fun article! It's about how nearly all couples who are happy long-term are really similar for the following reasons. This was based off a survey of couples who have been together happily for 15+ years. Here's a summary.

1. Being together for the right reasons. The main example they focused on was not being in a relationship to "fix" yourself or others. They also mentioned pressure from family members, settling for someone quickly to avoid being a "single loser", and pressure from friends.

2. Understanding that you might not always have a "perfect" relationship and understanding that you will have to commit to them. For example, you have to be able to express yourself. If one partner suppresses their feelings to avoid upsetting the other, they cannot be happy forever.

3. Being able to talk about EVERYTHING without being judgemental. Both people should be able to share their deepest secrets and awkward moments without feeling judged. And they should reassure one another. For example, if someone is insecure about something (a sparkly stuffed animal that others tease them about, for example), the other should not ridicule them, but respond positively. And be a team.

4. Talk about what bothers you. Have important conversations, even if they're awkward. Talk about what hurts. Trust one another. Trust is key.

5. Respect one another's decisions.

6. Be able to ask for space and trust that you can have space and come back.

7. Know that people will change and become very different people and respect that.

8. Fights are inevitable, but be able to keep the fight directly related to the issue at hand. Be willing to fight. Be able to understand when someone is upset and confront them directly about the reason.

9. Be willing to forgive if they apologize. If they apologize, forgiving is key. And don't bring that up in fights later.

10. Do little things, not just big ones. Smile at them. Give them little gifts. Do small and thoughtful things, like baking for them. It's like Chinese Water Torture. All those little drops add up. A partner who occasionally does really big gestures or gets into fights on your behalf is not necessarily a good thing.

11. Have been friends first

12. Have liked one another for over 6 months before dating seriously.

13. Have friends in common

14. Compliment one another

15. Surprise their partner with their favorite food (This was from a similar article, but this was word for word)

16. Are able to hang out and have fun with other people. They can joke around with others.