User blog:Chicken tornado/The Beauty of Scars

An autobiography by Biana Vacker

Chapter one: Perfect daughter

My name is Biana Vacker. It's a pretty name, I've been told, but it makes me shrivle up inside. Vacker. It could innitally be translated to: Perfection.

Why is that a bad thing? I guess I should be pround. But a part of me has always thought that without flaws, how can someone really love you for who you are?

Oh boy. There I go getting all deep. Let me take you back to a time in my life where that part of me- the part that has made me into who I am today, was still asleep within me.

Waiting for it's wakeup call.

June 19, 2016. I remember that day so clearly, and Not just because I'd just bought my favorite pair of lace up sandals (the ones with teal rhinstone studded straps). That was the day that SHE arrived. SHE is Sophie Foster.

Don't get me wrong, I love her like a sister now, but back then... she... me...we...

Let's just say we weren't real chummy. The first thing that bothered me: She was absolutely and indescribably pretty. Pretty was supposed to be MY thing. The thing that made me valuable, and memorable. You could have asked anyone in Foxfire, and I promise you they all would have said that I was that beauty queen.

But when I walked into my livingroom, ans saw Sophie and my mom, talking chatting, etc, I was shocked. My mom- she was acting like SOPHIE was her perfect little daughter. What did that make me?

So (and I'm not proud of this) twelve year old me reacted in the only way I knew how. Being the bully.

And because of that, I caused a broken heart, a kidnapping, and in general, an introduction into war within the elvin world. And I was just getting started.

But I try not to take too mutch credit.

Chapter two: The Queen

You might say I'm royalty. My father is a very well known and respected emmisary, my mother is equally honored, and known for being especially beautiful, and my family in general has a reputation of being powerful and influential.

That used to scare me. But I was GOOD at hiding it. Maybe a litte too good, making my emotions invisible to others and painting myself as someone I wasn't. The Queen of Foxfire.

Let me introduce you:

She wakes up in the morning, masks herself in makeup, eats litte to nothing for breakfast, and is whisked away to school with her legendary big brother, who was always outshining her. She had followers who pretended to be friends. She got terrible grades, but pretended not to care, and she was absolutely and infamously mean to Sophie Foster.

Why? not only was she prettier than me, she was smart, strong, and independant. It didn't help that she obviously had it bad for my brother, kicking in my protectiveness.

I remember her vividly.

She was the one that caused the kidnapping.

All because of her selfish litte heart. I remember seeing Sophie cry, the tears streaming down her beautiful face as she turned and ran. I didn't try to stop her. I went to bet that night triumphant, and the next morning, when my family got the news, that Sophie and her friend had been ubducted, I was devistated.

I remember crying. Locking myself in my room.

Because it was MY fault.

That was when the Queen started to dissapear, but she still came back occasionally, to haunt me.

When Sophie was found- thanks to my brother, Fitz's telepathy- I realized that she might not want to be my friend anymore. But she forgave. And forgot. And she taught me that friendship was better than royal subjects.

Chapter three: The art of being forgotten

My life was rough when the Black Swan showed up. When Sophie, and my brother Fitz got all wrapped up in the secret war between two dangerous rebbel groups.

How was it rough?

Well, for one thing, there was my ability. I should be glad that I manifested. Vanishing is a good power. But even though I made a big ruccus about it, I was dissapoineted in myself. Vanishing. The power to dissapear. The power to hide.

And I couldn't help but notice that when I manifestd, I dissapeared in a different way. Other things became more important. (I know what you're thinking. "Oh, no I'm not the center of the universe!")

But it hurt. Because my own father was ignoring me, and makining room for everything else.

Annother thing that had been gnawing at me at the time was the fact that my father's mind had broke. For about a week, I didn't bathe, didn't eat, didn't speak to anyone. I was okay with being invizible.

But then he was healed, and everything turned out to be fine. We were a happy family.

And then he went back to work, and I dissapeared once again.

The last- probaly least important thing that was making my life miserable was Keefe. I liked him, and it was obvious. But he once again treated me like I was invizible. He had eyes for only Sophie.

All in all, it weemed like I had become part of the background. Something always there, but rarely mentionable. I was included as part of the group, but I was also left behind.

I don't blame Sophie. She had way too mutch going on. Honesly, I don't know who to blame, if not for myself. See, back then, I didn't have the guts to speak up. I didn't have the pride from facing down one of the most wicked elves in the lost cities. Vespara.

But all that soon. Back then, it was my turn to be silent.

I didn't know it, but fate was preparing me for my own, self made legacy.

Chapter 4: First Fight

Let's see, where was I...

Ah, yes. My own Legacy. How did that happen? Well, it started with a circlet.

I remember being in the audience the day that the council made Sophie wear the ability restrictor. I remember seeing a sea of faces, all masked in spite, and fear, jeering, booing and hissing, as one girl, young, innocent and brave, walked to the platform where she would be crowned with the circlet.

I remember seeing her stand with her chin held high, even as she became prettty mutch talentless...

And I remember thinking...'How?'

How could someone live with the terrible things that were being done to them? Now I now that part of it has to do with the fact that Sophie Foster si Sophie Foster. But part of it was because she knew, deep down inside, that se was strong.

I wanted to be like that.

And I got a chance, when an old, wrinkly man showed up at our doorstep and said that he needed our help. For Fitz, this was nothing new. But for me... let's just say I wan't prepared.

I get the feeling that Eversest was especially cold that night. I felt like even though the veiw seemed to capture the whole world, I was trapped. The world was encompased in a sphere of glass, like a snowglobe. As my friends and I waited there,I could tell something was wrong.

And when I saw the black cloak swishing in the snow, I knew.

"Someone's here." I whispered to Fitz, trying to act normal.

But he brushed it off. "Don't be a baby, Biana." He'd told me.

So when the Neverseen revealed themselves, I ALMOST managed an 'I told you so'.

That night was one of the hardest in my life. I fought, like everyone else, and the cold from the snow seemed to dissapear instantly in the heat of battle. And then there was that moment, when Lady Gisella's hood fell. It was a betrayal.

But I;m proud to say that not long after that, my moment came. Keefe and his mom were doing the thing. The thing from every cliche movie that has ever existed, that moment when the child sees the parent's evil, and the parent attempts to destroy the child.

For Keefe and Gisella, it was the moment when she raised her melder to his head, and almost smiled.

That was when Brave Biana made her first appearance. I only remember the anger, and the drive, and that feeling that I could stop this. I also remember the feeling of my impact on Gisella, the moment I tackled her and (Not to brag) saved Keefe's butt.

A lot of people say that that was my best moment, but honestly, I was just gettting started. I had proven my worth, and now I was ready for more.

So when Sophie basically begged me to join the Black Swan, how could I refuse?

Chapter 5: Change

Now, a lot of people say I'm the girly girl. Or the spoiled princess. Or the dumb but pretty popular girl.

All I have to say about that is if being any of those things means that I've broken the law to help my friends, thrown away my reputation for the greater good, and kicked butt as a member of a bada** rebel group, than I'm PROUD to be those things.

But I didn't always think that way.

It took a while for me to get that mindset, and a lot of that came from my time in Alluveterre. Time spent training during the day, my mother teaching me the basics of defense. I owe a lot to my mother...

She's the woman every girl wants to be... strong. Kind. Confident. Deadly.

But she taught me above all other things that being invisible wasn't all bad. That humbleness is often the greatest form of power, and that sometimes, hiding was smarter than fighting. I learned that lesson when I figured out how to hide myself from Gnomish eyes, which could detect vanishers even when they became invisible.

To this day, I'm the only vanisher who's figured out how to hide from Gnomes.

Alluveterre was a time of change for all of my friends. Sophie and Fitz became Cognates, Dex matured, Keefe may have had the hardest time of all of us, and obviously, we met the Song twins.

A big chapter in my life for sure. Especially since it was around that time that I realised that the guy I thought I liked... only had eyes for my best friend.

It was hard. I cried myself to sleep at night, sometimes, wondering why I wasn't enough. What did I have to do to prove myself? I was tired of being the invisible woman, but at the same time, all I wanted to do was dissapear.

But then I realized that wanted to be more than the girl crying for attention. I could be silent. Helpful. Humble.

And if after that, no one cared, no one noticed me for me... then I. Didn't. Give. A. Frick.

It was time to let go of my insecurities, and become Biana Vacker, who is the absolute queen of being herself.

Chapter 6: Friends

A lot has happened since Alluvetarre, but it's all passed in a blur... all but a few moments. Most of it has been the same thing, over and over, a cycle. We'd learn something, then make a plan, then fight with all we've got, and in the midst of things... we'd realize that they had outsmarted us.

Over, and over, and over...

And most of the time, I was left in the shadows, along with a few other people who I've grown quite close with. If anythinng, the time that Sophie spent ignoring me because she had bigger problems was time that I spent forging relationships that I cherish. What I thuoght was a curse had turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

Being invisible wasn't so bad after all.

First there was Dex, and granted, it took him a while to swallow his pride and warm up to me. I remember the first time he laughed at something I said, forgetting the awkward once and for all.

We grew close fast, probably due to the fact that he and I were in the same boat. Forgotten. Left behind, by our "Best friends". Plus, I felt bad for him, knowing that he had it BAD for Sophie, and that Sophie... was as blind as a bat to all feelings.

Another way we were similar... the only differance was that I'd come to terms with it, and found where I belong.

Tam and I got to know one another, too. Working on the Lodestar mirror was probably what did it. During that time, I figured him out. And this will embarrass him... A LOT. But he's not as salty as he comes off as. He's actually kind of... shy. I know, I giggled too. But as soon as I figured it out, he started opening up to me.

I made other friends, too. Some took longer to open up, ans with others, we were tight emmediatly. The point is, there are always others who feel rejected, misunderstood, forgotten.

And that's where you'll find your true friends.

Chapter 7: Scars

You've all been waiting to hear about what happened at Nightfall. I don't blame you. It's a story that I'd like to think defines me. You already know the first part, and the ending. I vanished, and snuck up to the room where Vespara was hiding. At the end, Vespara escaped, and I came out with half my face in Zeebra stripes of blood.

What you don't know is the in between parts. The section of the story that will stick with me for life.

The first thing I can remember is how dark it was up there. Like she was allergic to any sort of brightness.

I remember her voice. How real and cold and menacing it was from up close. Like poisoned honey. I also remember her first words to me, burnt into my brain, leaving a scar of their own:

"You should hide, Vacker girl. It's all you'll ever be good for."

That's when I attacked.

Some might say we fought like cats, hissing and scratiching. But that's an understatememnt. We fought like lions, using everything we had to end each other. I'd vanish in and out of the shadows, kicking and punching. She'd swing violently with the shards of glass.

But it wasn't like tackle bramble, or base quest. My enemy was trying to kill me. And she nearly did.

I remember the world slowing down, as she shoved me with all her might into the mirror. I seemed to glide into the mirror, and the shards seemed to break off one at a time, floating into the darkness.

And her smile, frozen on her face like a statue of menace.

And then, suddnely, I was on the floor. Shards glinting around me. And Vespera was looming down, eyes cold as ice.

I'd done some damage too, and she left with a bad limp, but I won't lie and say I won. I lay there, blood leaking from my face, the silver glints of my reflection standing out from the darkness. A mirror scarred the beautiful Vacker girl. Litterally vanity...

It's almost poetic.

So there you go. The big story. Is it as amazing as you had imagined?

Hm. Interestning.

Well I've been rambling about the change in myself all this time, which I suppose is the point. But I guess the moral of this part is:

Strength isn't something that you earn, it's something that was there all along, waiting for the right moment. And most of the time, the moment comes like a storm. You get hurt. You loose things. You're forced to let go of what you thought defines you.

I thought I was defined by my family, my legacy, my looks, my ability. But those are just trivia. I am defined by my choices.

And I chose to fight.