Board Thread:General Discussion/@comment-37530514-20191003151401

I've seen a few comments throughout the months saying that Sokeefe shouldn't happen because it's unhealthy for them to "need" each other. I have a few thoughts about this and I wanted to hear what you guys had to say.

Personally, I think that yes, it IS unhealthy for one person to constantly need another and for that person not to need them. That's an unhealthy relationship, and one person is going to end up weighed down and the other will end up hurt.

HOWEVER

Mutual needing one another is beautiful.

I'm not in a relationship, so I'm going to compare this to me and my best friend. '''I can easily say I need my best friend. But I think she would say just as easily that she needs me.'''

When I say we need each other, I mean we rely on each other. I rely on her to be someone who I can trust and talk to, and often times I need to talk to her to sort out my emotions. I could carry those emotions around, right? But they would hurt and be harder to get rid of. She helps me to sort myself out. I cry with her. I need her.

I also need her to be there for me. For instance, when we feel rejected or like failures. I know she's there for me no matter what happens with stupid boys and school and life. And that's a relationship I rely on.

The difference here is that she also relies on me. Instead of me leaning on her, we lean on each other. She needs to talk to me the same way I need to talk to her. And that's why I'm not worried about what would happen if I didn't have her, because instead of me toppling over from leaning too much, we would BOTH topple over.

The point is, I don't think that needing someone is a bad thing.

BUT EVEN MORE, I THINK THE MESSAGE THAT YOU SHOULD NEVER NEED SOMEONE ELSE IS TOXIC.

Humans are not meant to be completely independent. We are relational creatures. We are not supposed to be entirely unreliant on others. If we try to be, we implode. What happens when you believe the lie that you need to be completely independent is you become withdrawn from people, because you don't want to burden anyone. Or you hide your feelings behind a fake smile, because you don't want to need help. And in a relationship especially, this is toxic. You can't be in a healthy relationship and be completely independent at the same time. That's a message the world is trying to tell us right now, and the thing is, people right now are believing that lie and getting hurt.

Because guess what? Sometimes, we need others, because we feel like we can't do it on our own. And when someone is vulnerable and we're constantly telling them that they are supposed to be self reliant, guess what: They feel like something is wrong with them.

Think about those book characters whose attitudes are "I don't need anyone, I can do this on my own." Is that a healthy attitude? Sophie tries to do that ALL THE TIME. But what do her friends do? Time and time again, they say "No, let us help, we want to help, trust us". Think about when Sophie forced Keefe to let her help him sort out his serial killer room. And when Keefe got Sophie to trust him in Exile. And when Sophie was in her Zombie state, and Keefe was there for her...

''"Hey," Keefe said, blocking her as she tried to scoot past where he'd been sitting at the long obsidian table. "Did you seriously think you could hide these from me?" He reached up and wiped one of the tears trickling down her cheeks...''

''"Please," she whispered. "Working alone is so much harder- It's what I used to do, remember? Until someone forced me to include them." One side of his mouth twitched with the hint of a smile. ..."This was you working alone. Now you have me."''

''And Keefe was right where she'd left him- right where he'd said he'd be- his arms stretched out and ready to catch her, like he'd known she'd be dizzy and heaving by the time she finally fled. ''

"And here's another thing you can count on. You'll never lose me. No matter how any of this stuff'' goes down." There was a softness to his voice. Maybe even a sweetness. And for a moment, Sophie's breath seemed to catch.''

''"...I don't know what I need. Just don't go." Sophie stayed. Keefe leaned his head against her shoulder and Sophie counted his breaths, considering what a strange thing grief turned out to be. Grady and Edaline closed themselves off. Fitz pushed everyone away. She couldn't figure out how Keefe was handling it all yet. But she was glad he wanted her to stay.''

Yeah... that's my two cents.  