Board Thread:Short Stories and Fanfictions/@comment-2601:647:4000:5CE0:B4BD:4BD8:218D:2B1A-20191021195908/@comment-43957690-20191021232000

It's pretty good! The only thing I could say is that your paragraphs are a little confusing. Two different people can't speak in the same paragraph. Other than that, though, it's great.