Thread:KaleTheEmpath/@comment-37719459-20190104154100

Your oneshot was SO GOOD! It was really emotional, and I wanted to let you know that you're a talented writer. Keep up the good work!

I also wanted to post a couple of tips in case you're open to them.

NOTE:  This is just my interpretation of what, personally, I think would make it better. You may already know this, but have deviated from it in order to tell the story; or you may think what I say is stupid--which I'm fine with. You don't have to follow any of this if you don't like it.

1. Write in Third Person. Yes, I know that you were following the meme-thing, but unless you follow the narrative VERY specifically, it kind of takes on a...I don't really know how to say this...almost like a vague tone, if that makes sense.

2. Focus on the initial reaction. You did a REALLY good job capturing how it affected him in the long run, but usually, the initial reaction is the most emotional, shocking part. I'm not saying that you shouldn't write about the affects of Sophie's death, I'm just saying to try to make that a little more brief and try to flesh out the reaction, and really try to give as much description as you can right in the moment.

3. Focus on guilt. Guilt is (in my opinion) the most terrible, gut-wrenching emotion one can feel, especially in the wake of someone's death. You did a great job of that; try to expand on it.

4. (Maybe) if you want to, you could try first person? It's your choice, but it'd be interesting to see how it would work out. It would be less like part of a KotLC book, but it would make it more personal.

Thanks for listening, and please note that all of these are suggestions, and some or all of them may seem idiotic to you; you can try them or you can not try them. Up to you! 